Four years ago, about 12:15 pm, was the last time I heard his voice. He had been packing for elk camp and I was in bed reading. He came to bed and we chatted for a few minutes. I’m sure he was reminding me about putting out the garbage and reminding me when he would be home or something to that effect. If I had known that would be the last time I heard his voice. The last time He would hear mine. I would have told him how much I loved him. How proud of him I was. What an amazing dad and grandpa he was. I would have told him about the plans for the future that were bouncing around in my head. I would have done and said so many things.
I have no regrets. I have no coulda, woulda, shouldas. I have no unfinished business. I have no I wish I would haves.. Our love was deep. It was a forever kind of love. When he died I never thought that I would be happy again. I never thought that I would love again. Or be loved again. Or entertain the idea of living with someone again let alone get married again. I know now that that’s not true. I know now that I without a doubt, have room in my heart to love another. I know now that I will be loved again. I know now that I want to live with someone again. To be married again.
But, for now, I am enjoying the beginning of something magical. Something beautiful. Something new. For now I am living for today. I’m working hard every day to not look to the past. To not look into the future. We can plan, hope, and dream about the future but the reality is that it’s not up to us alone to decide our fate. There’s free will. Things happen without explanation. The unexpected happens and turns our worlds upside down. Inside out.
I will leave you with this. Live life to the fullest. Slow down and literally smell the roses. Learn to be still. To be quiet. To enjoy. Learn to not hurry. To not rush. Look for the joy and embrace it. Take the time to read that book. To take that vacation. To visit with that friend you are always saying you should make time for. To just be. To breathe. To relax. To enjoy. Rediscover who you truly are. Embrace and celebrate the little things. Make time for you. Self care is important. It’s necessary. It makes you a better person, spouse, significant other, mom, friend, employee, boss, grandparent, sibling. Learn to truly love yourself flaws and all. Learn to feel sexy. To feel desired. To be comfortable in your own skin. Learn to take risks. To live. Don’t be so busy making a living that you forget to live. We hear “Life is too short” all the damn time. It’s true. No matter how old or young you are… it’s always too short and tomorrow is never promised. Like Tim McGraw says, “Live like you were dying.” Check things off your bucket list instead of only adding things. If you need help learning how to do any of these things…call me. I will help you remember. I will teach you how. It’s taken me four years to get here and I still have a lot to learn…my therapist would agree with me on that one. She’s amazing. If you need one.. hit me up.
Like this:
Like Loading...